Classical conditioning

Women, especially wives are an expert in turning the table on any situation. May be this ability or skill is inherent in all of the opposite sex or should I call them the not-so-fair-sex. They might have inherited it from their mothers and their mothers from their grand mothers. See it’s just like any other tradition which is passed down from father to son…..master to his disciple…. this one is passed down from mother to daughter….the art of turning the table…

Yes I am a constant victim of this art form. It works like this. Imagine for one time its not your fault, imagine for one time you didn’t screw up as usual….u have this amazing opportunity to get back at her for what she did. What do u do? You start by telling her how it was supposed to be done show her how it is done and then forget about it. Or you can just simply yell at her and make her feel small and ashamed for what she did. If u choose the second option then during ur yelling she will suddenly say…”why…are u yelling at me?”…”there is no need to yell”….then suddenly dark clouds starts to form on her face…..she then uses the ultimate weapon in her arsenal …’the tear gas”…..eventually before you even realize you would be on your knees trying to make her stop crying……and take all the blame….seee how it is done…perfect……..I say bravo…

This is my plea to all husbands….”UNITE” if u see stars in your wife’s eyes, look again it might be the sparkle of truth…truth that they have realized that they will always have upper hand in all the fights you will ever have in your life. Truth that they have conditioned us to act according to their whims and fancies so that they can lead a comfortable life………..shed your inhibition and fight………but again we all know who is going to win that fight……..so I say….”ENJOY” the time u have left.

WIVES AND PIXIES

3.47 PM Friday July 2008.

I went to collect our tickets for trivandrum. I am taking anu there so that she can stay there with my parent for sometime. I will be coming back on Sunday evening. After that i will again be a bachelor.

when i was a bachelor i never imagined how married life would be. But now that i am married and used to being married, i can't imagine being a bachelor again. I mean she is always there in the background cleaning sweeping cooking and washing. I never appreciate what she does when she is with me. This also makes me realize how mom's are. She is another single most important person in our lives. When I used to live with my parents I never appreciated what she did. I used to take everything for granted. I repent that now. We all should understand that they set aside their preferences each day for the happiness of their kids.

Whenever she goes away to stay with her parents or mine she says ...:"sachu do not litter the house, if possible clean it at least once every week, wash your underwear" and i say " yea yea will do" then completely ignore it. If the house is not messy its not bachelor like u know. I mean everything should be accessible to me where i sit i.e in front of the T.V.

Being messy is an essential part of being a bachelor. I mean we never find enough time to do the dishes or the laundry in our busy lives. We have dozens of games to play on our playstations, or there is always some important match going on between India and pakistan. There is always the internet to keep us busy.

So you see we have so much to do and so less time to do it. The thought of washing and sweeping is too much of a distraction from all these important things we have to complete before the next meal time.

There is always a pile of garbage lying around in the kitchen to be thrown away. There are always dirty clothes in the washing machine. There are pile of dishes in the kitchen sink to be washed. I wish there was some pixies who would miraculously appear at night and clean every thing.

May be wives have some pixy elements in them. When u go to office the house is messy ( U manage to do that in at most 7 to 8 hours that u are not sleeping, Evening, Night and Morning) then when u come back in the evening the house is clean..see....

This might not make sense to you because we bachelors even make a mess out of our blogs

NEW MARUTI AD IS SO ANNOYING

Today i am annoyed with Maruti Suzuki.

Their new advertisement titled"India comes home in a Maruti"....well i also do... i have an alto...and they forgot to show an alto in their ad. They have even shown a gypsy......which they do not sell to civilians anymore. This shows their incompetency. They forgot millions of alto owners. They even forgot that alto is the brand which get exported the most. This is unacceptable. I do not any more feel connected to or proud of owning a maruti product. Shame on maruti, shame on the ad agency who made it.

CARS- THEY ARE SO ANNOYING

My brother has started a blog about his random thoughts http://redefinedestiny.blogspot.com/ and its about cars. His random thoughts are about cars. I can't imagine why or how. I am not averse to cars but i have never seen a person so fond of car. Every time he talks about cars it is like a 16 yr old talking about his girlfriend. Some call it passion I call it obsession. They are two different things.

I have a car, an alto ( i know its not a muscle car or some but its ok for a family of two, as my brother would say ....Later on when i get rich i plan to buy a BMW). I do not feel the same way as my brother does towards cars...for that matter any car. Its just a car. you get in side start the engine shift the gear and stear it thats all there is about cars. Of course u can go fast that is provided your wife is not with you controlling the speed from behind and you are driving in autobahn. So where is the thrill in loving a car.

Its just a machine which u have bought by indebting yourselves to a bank for five year. I would have loved if it was bumblebee from the transformers. Or...Or if it was KITT from the Knight Rider...OR if it was the BATMOBILE( i can't imagine how annoyed bat man would be while driving with his wife talking to him with his kids crying from the back seat and on top of it all the car talking back at him and making its own judgments.....he would be shouting at the car like..." I told you , u stupid car to a left.....ohh but no u do all then thinking we wanted to go to the shopping all but you took a right turn and ended up in the city dump)".

Well may be that's the fun of having an interesting car. Or may be that why all the superheros are bachelors. Instead of their better halves they fight with their cars.

Anyway i hope my brother also gets his talking car in the near future.

BIRDS- THEY ARE SO ANNOYING

I hate all birds in the morning, well that’s because I think birds are very vocal in the mornings. Why else would they be chirping away happily non-stop at the break of the dawn. May be it is the ecstasy of the early bird with the worm showing off to his friends his catch …shouting…” In your face… lazy bones”.

But wifey likes’em. And imitates them lying in the bed and that aggravates my pain. The bird outside will go ‘tinchu, tinchu’ and the bird in the bed will shout back the same way. As I am already awake by the constant chirping of the inconsiderate bird I will be squirming under my blanket. I dare not poke my head up the blanket as I know she would also make me join the incessant chirping marathon. I do not like feeling like an idiot early morning talking like a dumb bird with worm. I do not have anything to show off. I do not get worms for waking up early I get dark circles and the wrath of my hormonally charged pregnant wife.

So I am saving up to buy a gun. Next time I will shoot that little trumpeter of a bird if it comes neat my window in the morning, if my wife would let me shoot’em that is.